i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i came on her dog
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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