jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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