Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
