i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
