So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
