in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
