Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
