Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
