So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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