WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
