Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
