my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
