so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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