I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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