woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
