Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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