remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
