I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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