Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and she was petting her beer can
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
