I wish I could punch you in the face.
North Korea, Best Korea!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
