Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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