i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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