My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
