you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
