are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
