the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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