I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do herpes really smell.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
