Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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