dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
