No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
