I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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