Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i out mim tonsoeep
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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