I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
there is glitter all over my balls
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