did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it because I queefed?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize