Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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