I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
