Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
