Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
