you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
