and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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