and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
