What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
