I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
