Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
