can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
