Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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