I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
