Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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