smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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