I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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