Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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