I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
