drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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