its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
