Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
