If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
