yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
