If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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