I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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